Every spring Hollywood’s elite come together for the annual Academy Awards, an entertainment industry display of narcissism unlike anything else. And as you may know, even those who don’t win the coveted Oscar awards still go home with celebrity goodie bags worth tens of thousands of dollars. Last year’s goodie bag, estimated to be worth some US $48,000, included all sorts of items ranging in price from $20 to $12,000.
The goodie bags put together for the 2014 event are even more expensive than last year’s. Celebrities will receive gifts totalling about $58,000, including bizarre items like horse shampoo and pepper spray guns. Here are just a few of the more notable changes between this year’s bags and what was offered for 2013:
Out: Electronic Cigarettes
The 2013 goodie bags included a pack of electronic cigarettes from one of America’s largest e-cig companies, NJoy. The pack was valued at about $45 according to news reports. As strange as the gift might seem, e-cigarettes are pretty popular among Hollywood celebrities. Stars from Leo DiCaprio to Johnny Depp to Catherine Heigl are all avid vapers. Ms Heigl even used her Vapestick e-cigarette on a popular American television show a few years back.
A complete list of the 2014 goodie bag published by the Independent does not show electronic cigarettes on the list this year. Perhaps NJoy decided it was not worth their effort, or perhaps there are other reasons. At any rate, Oscar losers will still have enough money to buy their own e-cigarettes if they choose.
In: Vaginal Rejuvenation
The award for most the bizarre gift comes by way of a procedure that allegedly rejuvenates female genital tissue using an ‘O-Shot’ procedure, whatever that is. The procedure, which would cost the average customer about $2,700, supposedly helps with urinary incontinence while also improving the female sexual experience.
This is one goodie bag item we would have preferred to remain private. Now that we know about it, we suggest it is probably important for someone to follow up after the Oscars are over. The public will want to know which female celebrities actually took advantage of vaginal rejuvenation at absolutely no cost to them.
Out: Australian Holiday
Last year’s losers were treated to a $12,000 Australian holiday in an undisclosed ‘tropical’ location. It is not as though Hollywood celebrities do not have enough money to travel on their own, but perhaps Australia was beyond some of their budgets. That said, Australia is out this year anyway.
In its place, goodie bag recipients will be able to take advantage of holidays to Las Vegas, Hawaii, Mexico and the Colorado Rockies. That should be enough travel to keep most of them out of trouble for good part of the year. After all, how much trouble can one get into while on an all-expense paid holiday?
In: Robotic Hair Transplant Surgery
We have absolutely no idea what this is, but we do not really need to know. If it involves surgery and aesthetic beauty, it’s right up Hollywood’s alley. We would expect some of the male celebrities to take advantage of this procedure as a means of holding onto youth for at least a few more years. However, what about those celebs that do still have a full head of hair? Perhaps they might be willing to trade their hair transplant surgery certificate for some vaginal rejuvenation.
All about excess
In light of all of the lavish gifts being given to celebrities free of charge at the Oscars, it is no wonder so many of them are confused about why the general public views them as being so shallow. The Oscars are all about narcissism and excess. Of course the general public would feel the way they do, given the fact that so many are struggling just to make ends meet.
That said, the annual Oscar goodie bags are a great marketing tool for high-end companies hoping to score points with Hollywood elites. Those that do have access to a much wider audience by way of loyal fans than those who don’t. It comes down to the simple truth that supplying products for the goodie bags is just good business. It also provides us a good laugh or two every 12 months.
Photo by Alan Light [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons